Category: Parent Talk
Well, from my experience, the men I've seen are scared of changing diapers. If it was up to them, the baby would stay in a dirty diaper all the time. lol I don't know what they're afraid of. I know it's stinky and messy but it's human nature and it has to be done. How many men don't mind changing diapers. James has yet to change Hannah's diaper but I'm hoping to soon change that. There will be a time when he will have to. I don't mind changing them but it would be nice to have someone else do it for a change. One of my friends said it's just a guy thing. They don't like changing diapers. There are men who do it willingly though. What makes these guys able and willing to do it but not others. Opinions? Any tips on how to get James more, um, interested in the changing process? lol
Lizzy
I feel like a traitor to my sex for posting here, but... sorry guys.
I didn't think I could do it when my first child was born, but at times I had to, and I found out I was as good, if not better than my wife at it.
It became second nature. Baby wet? Baby dirty? well, then change the poor thing.
Bob
I would say the longer you let him get away with not doing it, the less likely he is to do it at all. Most of the men I know were actually quite happy to change nappies, my husband changed his first one when Nathan was less than a day old and never looked back.
advice?
go out for the day, do you have a friend you could go shopping with or just out for a coffee? and leave the baby with james with instructions on feeding, changing etc. he will have no choice. And once he's done it once he'll have no excuse for not doing it again.
I've never done it, but I've not had children yet. It's something I've always said I'd be prepared to do, and don't think it would cause me much of a problem, I personally think I'd have more problems with sick than a dirty nappy. lol I think for many of us it should be easy if we're just shown how. James can see to a digree so could simply watch you do it.
it's a lot different when it's your own child though. I'd never changed one either before I had my own. even the vomit isn't so bad when it's your own baby that's vomiting.
I think men use the being scared of doing it as an excuse not to do it, also they know that the mum will invariably do it in the end, so while mum lets them get away with it they can sherk their responsibilities.
seriously lizzy you need to get tough on this. James is Hannah's father, and he has equal responsibility for this. how does he fair in other departments? does he do feeds (if you're bottle feeding), does he get up to her some mornings so you get a lie in? will he get up to her in the night?
Thanks guys for the advice! I'm threatening not to changer her next time and just to leave it to have him do but that would be child abuse! lol. I'm not going to punish my baby. I know he'll do it adventually. I'll make him! And especially after the last few days. They've been so so messy! She had four messy ones in one day. hehehehhe.
Thanks,
Lizzy
Lizzie my sister's boyfriend Tommy changes their baby's diaper all the time!
Not at all doesn't bother me in the slightest
I can understand that he is a bit aprehensive about it, but it's not a big deal. I think he is jsut worried that he might hurt her or something, keep on him about it, make him part of the process, if he won't do the changing and cleaning, get him to stand by and just be part of the whole thing, handing you things you need, does he bath her? maybe get him to start there? My brother has just had a baby, and I am happy to say that he does everything that Noah's mummy does, accept the feeding. It is important for dad to bond with his baby, and unless he is caring for her in every way he can, the bonding won't happen as easily
aww Lizzy. I have two older brothers who have kids. My eldest brother hardly ever changes his kids' diapers. However, my second eldest brother does change his own kids' diapers quite frequently. The only reason why I think he does change them is because when my brother gets home from work, my sister-in-law is out working so isn't around to do so. My eldest brother's wife doesn't work so is always around therefore, she does all the diaper changing. lol So I think you should seriously take Clare's advice and go out and leave Hanna with James for some loving father and daughter bonding. hehe
Hope all goes well. It's amazing how so many men leave things up to their women because "She's always there."
Michelle
Awww, Auntie Krystel! Babies are awesome, aren't they? *GRIN*
My husband changes lots of diapers and had no problem from the get go with it.
I've changed them since I was a teenager, maybe part of my culture, but it was just what you did. You niece, neighbors kids, nephews, and well you name it diapers needed to get changed, baths had to be given and whatever, so the nearest person was up! *smile* I still am this way.
To all the men who do change diapers, a silver star. To all those who change diapers and do not complain about it, a gold star, a back rub, great sex and good meals. That's sneeky, going out to shop and staying away long enough that he'll have to change one at least once before you get back. Very very sneeky. I love it. (evil laugh) My fiance is a little freaked about being able to handle it and I don't know if he really will be able to easily. Even though he's a big, tough, scary Marine I have a feeling that this might give him considerable trouble. He'll clean up dog pea on the carpet, but I've yet to see him tackle a mess of the second variety. Also he has a real problem with vomit. I'm doomed. I'm going to have to really get on his case to get him changing diapers, especially since we're using cloth diapers. He did grudgingly say that he would change them just so long as I washed them, but I just don't know. I registered for a set of embroidered burp pads that say "Men who change diapers change the world." I'm hoping he'll take the hint. lol
LOL, Heather. That's funny. Didn't realize you were having a baby, but congratulations! That's exciting.
As for this topic ... uh, Mark's changed a couple of diapres when I was in the hospital for ten days last year, but that's about it. I think it was Claire who said that men use the excuse of being scared not to do it, so they leave it up to Mom. Of course, if no one does it, Mom has to 'cause it'll never get done otherwise. *grumble*
Just a fact of life, I guess. I am appreciating my mom more and more every day. Moms have to be exceptionally strong people! I don't claim to be one (an exceptionally strong person, I mean), but I hope to be some day.
-- Allie
Oh, and if any one is interested in the burp pads they're from Babies R Us at www.babiesrus.com. You can do a search for burp pads, no wait, embroidered burp pads, but I'll warn you' it doesn't mention the saying in the title of the product or in the description. It just says cute saying or something similar when describing it. I found it while online on the site with a sighted helper, but if you check our baby registry online there's a link to it right there where you can buy it for you, or for us, lol, or save the info for the product to your favorites or something like that. Going to go and have a peanut butter Clondike bar for an uber nutricious breakfast. See you all later.
I'm really not worried about it, poo and pee is just that. I pick up after my dog and I've gotten it on my hands before, it isn't pleasant but a part of life!
I don't have the title here but there is a book on being blind and paranting on bookshare.
Thanks. Will check that out.
My husband and I don't have children yet, but he's never complained about helping out with my niece or nephew's diapers. Then again, he raised one of his own nephew's for almost a whole year when he was a teen himself, so, maybe he got use to it then. I'm really not sure. Hmm, brings up an interesting question. LOL. I do know however that he promises should we manage to get pregnant he will help me in every way possible...Diapers, vomit, feeding; once I can pump so he can do so, ETC. But, I guess we'll have to just wait and see if it happens that way. LOL.
Ah, that's the ticket. Train them young. I'm going to get all of my children, sons included, once I have them, changing diapers. Their future wives/girlfriends will thank me. I hope. lol
Hey Sean,
It's not so much the poop and pee Mark is scared of. It's the not knowing how, I guess. But dude, if you don't know how, you learn how! Blah.
-- Allie
Exactly. Never too late to learn. *smile*
I'm seriously curious about my boyfriend now. He has two grown sons, and I know we're not gonna have any children of our own, but I wonder if he changed diapers. He's a very understanding and caring man. I mean, not the motcho type and he's not like many men from his generation (he's 62) so he very well may have done it. Whenever I do find someone with whom I want to settle down and have a child, I definitely want him to take some of that responsibility. I mean, it'll take the two of us to make this baby and aside from feeding, it'll take the two of us to care for it. Btw, I'm a bit grossed out by diapers etc myself, but I think that's only cause I've never dealt with one. I know I'd be able to handle it if I needed to.
Also, forgot to add. I love it when men really take care of their children. Hats off to you, especially the stay-at-home and single dads.
Agreed. I don't think stay-at-home parents, moms or dads get nearly enough credit in today's society, with the constant societal expectation that if you do not work you are lazy or not contributing. But, coodos especially to the stay-at-home dads for further bucking convention to give your children the most possible love and the best possible care.
Update...I did ask my husband, and he said he's never even really thought about it. "It needs to be done, so, why not do it." LOL Also, we also are looking into cloth. We're not pregnant yet, (that we know of) we're trying. But, I figured if I started now I could answer at least some of those major questions before the question had to be answered. Besides, this gives us the oportunity to discuss options and decide together.
YAY! I applaud you for considering cloth. It's wonderful for the baby and for the environment. I'm going to create a topic regarding cloth virsus disposable around here in a little while because I am going to go with cloth and when I started trying to get information and tips initially they were in short supply. I've since gotten some very helpful hints from the few parents I have met who actually used or currently use cloth and I think the word should get out there.
Agreed 100%. *smile*
I did. As to how to 'get them to', I do not know.
I think the hardest part was keeping the cord clean at first. Of course, the mechanics are simple, but it looks like an injury, all clamped up and stuff.
We tried cloth for awhile, but they don't, or didn't in the early '90s, absorb very well. You have to be dedicated to washing them nearly nonstop, taking considerable amount of effort.
We both opted to not use those anymore. I know popular sentiment has changed in favor of cloth in the past fourteen years.
But if attempting to get a man to change diapers (or woman for that matter - it's personality and not gender I think), I'd start with disposables. I never got the mechanics of the cloth folding to perfection, and in the few weeks we did cloth, we both opted for those with elastic.
Disposables all the way. I couldn't get the hang of the cloth thing. For one thing, while there are positive environmental impacts of cloth vs disposable (or rather cloth is less damaging, supposedly), those are somewhat debatable. Clot needs to be washed and that phas its own significant amount of polution. And if peopole are really, I mean really, concerned about the environment, the big decission is how many kids they want to have. More than two is irresponsible, over population is what will kill this planet of completely, not what kind of diapers you use. Even if we reduce our consumption of material X by 30% whilst everyone is having 3 kids and thus increasing the pouplation by over 30% the over all consumption will increase, not decrease.
Of course the main problem, population wise, is not really in the western world, but I still feel certain responsibility when considering how many kids to hve, more so than avoiding the convenience of disposables vs cloth diapers. One makes choices and I go with the ease of use myself.
I don't even konw, exctly, how bad the disposables are, if they can be partly or fully recycled or made from recyclable materials then they may, in fact, not be as bad as the NatureFreaks.com web sites may suggest. I have know info or stats on thie either way so I definitely won't make a statement, but generally I don't trust the natural, organic, healthy living web sites, I find them, overwhelmingly, a scam for getting you to do more work and pay more money for same, or less.
And, on the men and diapers discussion. It's a bit daunting the first time, and it's easier when you're left alone with the baby, so the mommy going out idea is good. We don't mind, but somehow it feels weird in front of the mommy, who isthe expert. I didn't change diapers for quite some time with ur first, I was hving chemo and working full time so it was sort of an agreement between us, but with our second I've changed diapers pretty much since day one, and still do on our two-year-old, though hopefully the potty will replace diaper changing very soon for him (really, it's easier but also nastier poopies when they get older).
So let the guy stay home with the baby for may be 5 or 6 hours, best way to learn I think.